Harry Has Two Godfathers
by Greer Shlivandas
Summary: A now-infamous slash parody of Leslea Newman's book 'Heather Has Two Mommies'.


Notes: 'Der Fischmob' is the name Harlem and I use for our co-written stuff, so this isn't solely by Greer. But since I'm the one with the ff.net account, that's the author it's getting put up under. Obviously, considering what it's a parody of, this is going to have m/m content. Heavy spoilers for 'Prisoner of Azkaban, but none for 'Goblet of Fire'. This fic was made possible by ofloxacin, acular and homatropine hydrobromide; and is dedicated to Dr. B. Katzen, without whom I would have lost my right eye.

HARRY HAS TWO GODFATHERS 

By Der Fischmob 

Harry has two of a lot of things. He has two ears, two eyes, two best friends named Hermione and Ron, and two classes at school he hates. Harry also has two godfathers: Uncle Sirius and Uncle Moony. Uncle Moony's real name is Uncle Remus, but he doesn't like Harry to call him that and gets mad when Uncle Sirius jokes about briar patches and tar babies. 

Having two godfathers is not that different from having a godfather and a godmother. One of them even acts funny during certain times of the month. 

Harry likes to visit his two godfathers, even if their house smells like dogs. There is hair all over the floor, but Uncle Sirius got mad when Uncle Moony tried to use Harry's broom to sweep it up. He says he could have bought a house on what that dang thing cost. Uncle Moony says he spoils Harry rotten. 

Uncle Moony is a retired Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. There are a lot of those around. He shows Harry how to keep himself safe from Dementors and Boggarts and Things That Go Bump In The Night.Only sometimes in the bedroom at night he and Uncle Sirius do something that makes an awful lot of bumping noises. He says that it is part of a spell to release tension and then frowns and says that Harry was supposed to be in bed and not up listening to those things. 

Uncle Sirius is an escaped convict. Only he really didn't do anything bad at all- he just got blamed for what someone else did. He changes into a big black doggie when he needs to hide, which is funny because Uncle Moony has to hide the fact that he sometimes changes into a big grey doggie! He keeps saying that he should get Uncle Sirius a leash and collar, but Uncle Sirius says he shouldn't say things like that in front of Harry. 

Uncle Sirius gives Uncle Moony a fleabath once a month whether he needs it or not. He does not like Harry to help with this. He says that is because it is smelly, but Harry does not believe him. 

Other people come to visit Harry's godfathers, too. When Uncle Moony starts acting funny, Professor Snape comes over to give him a stinky potion. Uncle Sirius does not like this and stands in the corner the whole time, muttering things he tells Harry never to repeat to anyone. 

The headmaster at Harry's school, Professor Dumbledore, also comes over on occasion. Before he gets there, Harry's godfathers clean up the house. They put away the black leather hammock in the living room, cover up some of the posters in the bedroom, and move some of Uncle Moony's stuff into the guest room to make it looked lived in. But Professor Dumbledore is old and very wise and has a way of knowing about things even if you are trying to hide them. 

Harry's friend Ron likes to come with him to his godfathers' house. Ron is Harry's age and has been Harry's best friend since the day they met. Uncle Sirius and Uncle Moony like him a lot and keep saying how cute he and Harry are together and how they wouldn't mind having a second godson. Though when Harry asks them what they mean, they just wink at each other and say "When you're older...". 

One mean boy at school named Draco Malfoy likes to tease Harry about having two godfathers. Often he tries to get Harry in trouble, and they are always fighting. Draco like to call Harry a bad word that means he has Muggle family. Uncle Moony says he does this because sometimes people are afraid of what is different from them. But Uncle Sirius says that when boys get to Draco's age they start to act Stupid, and that if he teases Harry, it probably means he secretly has a crush on him. 

Uncle Sirius has a motorcycle, but most of the time Harry's friend Hagrid keeps it for him. Still, Hagrid brings it over from time to times and Uncle Sirius takes them all riding through the countryside. Uncle Moony likes to ride in doggie form, with his tongue hanging out and his ears swinging in the breeze. 

Every summer, Harry's godfathers take him to see a big parade. There are many wizards there with motorcycles, and even some witches. A lot of them wear funny leather robes with chains on them, or bright rainbow-colored dress robes. Once Harry even saw Professor Snape there, but he ran away before Harry could talk to him. At the parade, Harry has met lots of other kids who have two godfathers, or two fathers, or two mothers. Don't you wish you had two godfathers, too?


End file.
